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Porn is Destroying Men's Legacies

By Eddie Capparucci, LPC, CSAS

      How do you want to be remembered?

      It’s probably not a question we men ponder often. But we should. In fact, it’s probably one of the most critical questions we should ask ourselves. Why? Because whether we like it or not, we are role models. People are watching us. And when they’re watching they are observing how we:

  • Respond to conflict
  • Treat others
  • Approach our work and responsibilities
  • Act in moments when integrity counts most
  • Honor our wives

      Whether we realize it or not, people are watching. These include our spouse, children, co-workers, friends and neighbors. And what they are observing is the establishing of our legacy – the way people will remember us.  

      But there is a cancer that is killing the legacies of many men in our world today. It’s called pornography.  

      "It's difficult to look at him the same way since finding out about his pornography addiction," said Mark, a 24-year-old whose father confessed after his 33-year addiction was discovered. "It's not that I don't love him anymore but my image of the man who always did the right thing has been tainted by the pain he caused my mother."

Whether your spouse and children are aware of your pornography use, you are cheating them. The image they hold of you is nothing more than a façade. Each day, thousands of men are caught engaging in the selfish pleasure of pornography, which results in the breaking of their wives’ and children’s hearts. It is a betrayal that destroys marriages and robs children of their innocence.

“My husband left his pornography unattended and our 12-year-old son stumbled across it,” says one mother. “He then started to act out what he saw with his 9-year-old sister. Both of my children are forever damaged by my husband’s filthy habit. Bringing pornography into our home destroyed all of our lives and I’m not sure I can ever forgive him.”

  As men, we can do many things our loved ones respect and admire. But all those deeds are undermined when we allow ourselves to succumb to the darkness of pornography. Failing to get control of our lust can undermine everything we work hard to achieve while leaving those close to us seeing us through tainted lenses.

“People in our community look up to him and he is a Deacon in our church,” remarks Suzanne, who continues to struggle with feelings of betrayal after discovering her husband’s long-time pornography use. “But the image he portrays is phony. He’s not the man they think he is. When I hear someone praise him I cringe. Yet, he keeps up the charade, which leads me to slowly continue to lose whatever respect I still have for him.”

As men, we must challenge ourselves to uncover the insights behind our use of pornography. You don’t engage because of an uncontrollable sexual hunger. You engage to distract yourself from emotional distress. And in many cases, you may not be conscious of what that emotional pain is about.

There is no doubt that pornography is an excellent tool that helps men escape. But it also is a damaging tool that kills legacies.

      How do you want to be remembered?